I hate it which almost makes me want to hate you

Since I cant be honest with you and cant tell you this in front of your face. I just have to write it down what I really feel about you. I don't know, aside from doubting and questioning yer love for me, I feel like you just need me not in love with me. cos maybe after a long month of waiting for this that you told me yer already in love with me in fact before you didn't love me cos yer not ready for relationship and shitty love and all. And I was like okay? Ill accept that. I loved you before but I think now is different. Yes! everything's different. I'm not stupid okay, just like that? one snap of yer finger you love me like you love yer past relationship? haha! funny thing is, I'm not even yer so-called-daddy that if you're hungry or what you just send me an sms cos you want me to buy you a food or something. I mean come to think of it, you told me you love me so i will do everything what you want? Do you ever think about me before? I think not and I thought about that. You didn't even love me before shit! I mean come on. You just need me. NOT IN LOVE WITH ME. I just hate the fact that I feel like I'm yer “in need” person with yer out of cash or something. Let me try to remember the past.

Last Year, we met each other, we date and had fun with each other, you don't have work back then and it was okay with me cos you told me you will find a job so I did everything, you borrowed money from me and I was thinking, isn't it enough that I'm paying all the food that we ate when we were together? but you told me you need it cos you really have none. So i said okay, even back before I always do an effort for you, I go to yer house always, but when I'm the one who will do the invite to visit my place you always have reasons, and I wont even argue with it cos its fine with me. after borrowing money. I never heard from you again. And to the fact that i realized you never love me at all even from the start. Yer just playing around. Yer just playing with me. After a weeks Ive heard you had a job and you sent me an sms that yer going to be busy, so I said okay. After a month I never received any sms from you. And so I thought you were busy and you've got yer salary you didn't even think about me. You didn't even bother to invite me for dinner or something. But twas okay cos I think you need it more than I do. and after a lllllllooooong month we never communicate then.

This year. you always send me and sms, but I don't reply any of your message cos I was thinking it was just a group message or something. you even gave me a ring but I didn't answer cos I don't want to. After the last week of January you called me again and I was thinking what do you want now? So i answered yer call to feed my curiosity, to know what you want. then you said you wanted to see me. And i said foe what? I'm in a relationship now. And then you told me you missed me. I said okay? So i decided to meet you then, same thing fuck as hell I'm still the one going to yer place, I'm not complaining or what its just that memories comes back again. So i was there, standing outside, so hot while waiting for you, then I saw you smiling and invited me to eat, and now I was shocked you paid all the food we ate. And you told me you dun have work in that time yer just waiting for few days to start yer work. And I was thinking, am I back again from before? Im thinking maybe not. Then you told me you love and blah blah blah.. and I said I'm sorry I'm in a relationship now. And you want me to cut my relationship with my current one just to be with you and I agreed with it. And so there I was looking stupid hurting people feelings, just because you want me back. But not thinking that past will be coming back. And I never thought of it! yes I still love you but everything's different now. I'm feeling stupid. I'm feeling like what the fuck I'm doing again. The past is coming back, you borrowed again money for me cos you need it and I said okay. blah blah blah. Not to mention, you always texted me that yer hungry why don't you eat instead of send me an sms? duh!.. and I hate all you send me message asking stupid question even the fact that its our conversation you don't have to know everything, I hated the fact that you want me to send you every single minute and second that ill send you a text message cos communication is important! yes it is! but not like this every hour every single minute we always have to text like that, isn't that boring?. I'm not a texty person just so you know, so that's why I hate texting every minute. and yeah I foegot remember you told me before you're not ready yet for a relationship? I was like hell yeah! I noticed about that but twas okay with me..

anyway, my heart still beats fast. memories come rushing back. I hate it which almost makes me want to hate you. but I don’t. I probably never will. that’s the problem. sometimes I wish I could just hate you like you never love me before but that’s not the kind of person I am. I’ve never hated anyone. ever. but I want to hate you so I can stop feeling this way. It makes me not want to do anything. no communication with anyone. no work. nothing. so congratulations. you’ve won. sadly, I do want to kill myself. I feel like I have nothing to give to anyone and I feel as if no one would even want anything I give them. but I know people try and god bless them, but nothing they do will make me feel differently. strange situation, this is. but I’m too weak to do the deed. the deed that could end all this. I’ve always been weak and probably will continue to be for the rest of my life. if you can even call what I’m living a life. so once again, congratulations.

(3) Three Things to Live by

1. keep it real

2. live happy

3. think with your brain, not your cock!

Between Love and Infatuation.

How can we know that what we're feeling is not infatuation or true love? What's the difference between LOVE and INFATUATION?

This are the question suddenly popped into yer mind if you're confused. "Am I really in Love?" If you are currently in a relationship or if you hope to be in one, Distinguishing the difference of LOVE and INFATUATION can be very challenging since we can't see Love at all and we can't measure it to see how great or small it is. Making the distinction can be even more challenging because you may naturally feel as though you "know" the person. But if we want to have a happy, healthy relationships, we need to identify our feelings accurately. The surest way to distinguished Love from Infatuation is to give your relationship the test of time. But while you are waiting for time to tell, there are things you can watch for.

In defining what Love is? Love isn't about becoming somebody else's perfect person, its about finding someone who helps you become the best person you can be. Love is an intense affectionate concern for another person. Love makes giving of yourself to the other person easy as fulfilling as getting something back. Can you be open and honest with your partner without fear of rejection? Are you able to be Yourself? or do you hide your weaknesses and try only to show your strenghts?
When you truly Love one another, you don't concern yourself with impressing your beloved. Rather, you are more interested in serving your love and you know that is easier to do when you are honest.

Infatuationtolove In defining what Infatuation is? Infatuation --- define as to inspire someone with or make them feel passionate, and foolish intense. It is also being inspired with passionate love and admiration. Infatuation is what we want and what we need. Can you accept the ways in which your partner is different from you? Infatuation is self-centered, thinking primarily of how the other person makes you feel. With Infatuation, you see the other person through "rose-colored glasses".

Whats the difference Between Love and Infatuation?

Infatuation is in a hurry but Love takes time. Can you see yourself going through the mundane motions of life and growing old with yer partner? Infatuation is attraction, admiration, adoration and it's mainly based on physical connection, while Love is based on spiritual connection, a common spiritual understanding and shared purposed. It wouldn't matter if your Lover lost a leg, gained 300 lbs.or got face burned in a fire. With Love, you are attracted to much more than just the physical. You are attracted to much more than just the beloveds heart as much as you want to touch that person physically. Do you feel good about yourself without your partner's validation? Infatuation depends on the others validation while Love is a genuine smile of security, confidence, self-reliance, and self-respect.

Life is complete with or without your beloved. You're aware that you and your partner have different gifts. You approve of yourself just as much as you approve of your partner. You take responsibility for your own life and you allow your partner to take responsibility for his or her own life. You can feel complete without your partner.

After you've discovered that you are infatuated and not really in Love,
Take a HEART! Real Love doesn't try to force a relationship to grow. It respects its natural pace. But you can greatly increase your relationship's chances of moving to the next level by learning what people in Love do and following that examples.

Love isn't just we like the person and we want to see that person always. Love is like a butterfly, the more you chase it the more it eludes you. But if you just let it fly, it will come to you when you least expect it.